I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
