Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
