The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
