Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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