I cannot find my penis.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
