She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
