every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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