just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
