Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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