Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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