so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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