I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
