I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
