I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
