I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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