so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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