Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
