btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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