i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
