I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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