why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
