how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
