So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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