I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
