As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
