You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
