Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
