So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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