Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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