I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
