I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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