he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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