Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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