is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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