I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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