Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
