watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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