Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hippo gnu deer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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