I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
