I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
