I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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