did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
