"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
