Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
