after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
