Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
