i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
