can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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