escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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