My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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