Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
