FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
