Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
