Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
