hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
