it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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