I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
