Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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