cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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