Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
