oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
