Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
