Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
