Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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