It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
