I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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