Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
