I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
