Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
